Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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