Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
