so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
