I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
