I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
