Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
