I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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