I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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