I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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