Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
