i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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