he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
