So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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