think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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