I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There r osticjed everywhere
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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