I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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