Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
