We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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