No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
