dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
