You can't motorboat a personality
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
