adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
