She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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