I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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