I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
