I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
