there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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