I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
