Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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