i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You're so nebulous sometimes
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
only you would photoshop your dick
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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