he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
