I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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