you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
