Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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