his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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