You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
