I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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