sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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