Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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