I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
