need another drink. this is the easiest way
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize