Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
