Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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