I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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