I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
