since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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