why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
