I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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