She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
