Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
