I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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