She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
