It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
