There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
