they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
