And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
