I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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