I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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