you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
