YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
