If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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