Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
