so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
