Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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