You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize
