is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
