One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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